"And the van was saved for another day!"
Other Story later, currently dealing with Dave one shooting a fucking Beholder, AT LEVEL THREE!
With, OF ALL THINGS, a "Robe of useful things".
He and one of one of his "Waifus"(Npc party member, we agreed that have them all be female for Harem Anime jokes, considering his PC is literally a R63 version of the girl from watamote with like 8 charisma and a permanent stutter, for maximum lulz), a 1/8th dwarf Human Artificer(Technically Articifer/Wizard Gestalt, but honestly I just made them all similarly to a monster stat lock, borrowing important class abilities, who wanted to delay the current Quest cuz they were passing rather close to the former location of their home kingdom(It moved, long story, involved two OTHER nations having a war right on the only viable exit from the kingdom, unintentionally singing them to death), to satisfy her Lore Boner and maybe pillage ant led Smithy's for old schematic and materials... She has a Salvaging Permit so it's legal.
Decided to check a Keep in the ruins, with a nat 20 arcane check to identify a chunk of the keeps bars were missing... Learning they we're DESINTERGRATED... And as be holders were on the list I made if "Legendary bullshit that almost everyone knows about", He could basically use OOC info to demand a immediate Joseph Joestar's secret technique, and ran away... Only for the Beholder to start using its Disintergration beat to start cutting out and dropping sections of ground 50 feet down into a cavern, Emilf failed her "Dodge roll onto solid land" save... But Daves characters, Makarios of Kalidrak immediately shifted into his Chaotic Neutral "Action Hero" mode(Tl;dr, custom magic item called The Mirror of Lelouche, which allows a user to cast Suggestion up to five times a day... But ONLY in themselves, he used it to give himself a Badass alter ego), and formed a plan.. He would wait for the thing to drop anothe section of land, dodge, the immediately jump down anyway and deploy his EVIL PLAN...
Now, this Cloak of useful things was fairly typical, cept I had the player roll to see how many Patches it had... And rolled ONE SHORT of the maximum Possible result.... Which means I could give him one of every item on the possible table... And then have him roll for the last three, for duplicates.
I forgot what one of the duplicates he got was, but one was a 6-pack of Healing Potions, and the other was a ten foot by ten foot solid iron door that would magically, and permanently, fin into any opening smaller then it.
Meaning he has two of these.
You now know what two patches he pulled when he hoped down the hole and placed about 40ft above the Beholder.
Literall "Rocks fall, every dies", cept with Iron Doors... Apparently Foot thick, 10x10 feet iron doors x2 do a metric shutting of damage dropping from 40 feet above you.
Cloaks of Useful Things are now on the Dave Cannot Have list, along with sewing kits, Cloaks of Billowing, and LITERALLY ANY SORT IF MAGICAL ROPE WHATSOEVER!
I asked if he'd be okay if I fudged something for Storybreasons so it could live... And he agreed ONLY because it meant he could now Shit Talk a fucking beholder.
Which he did, if anyone's interested I can copyPasta later.
Anyway, he learned that the Beholder was actually just inviting the two in, in his own...literally-Insane manner to ask him to rescue his pet Death's Kiss from a Ilithid, as he was too agoraphobic to leave his Lair, and really liked that zappy vampiric eyeball monster.
P,neigh no And so he accepted this quest, intending to waive the promised reward for "Beam a trade route through his mountain for me for economic raisins".
I gave him two points of Inspuration(Free advantage later) to recoup the costs of the lost Poatches, as I DID technically rob him of a kill.
Literally everything I said I basically made up 10 minutes before it showed up in the game.
I loooveee Dave. JoJo is also extremely hilarious. Thanks for the pickup
Goodnight,Van. Good work, sleep well. I’ll likely gut you and turn you into a spaceship in the morning.